“For customer convenience, please reFRAIN FROM BEING AN INCONVNIENCE”

Why the TTC will be the cause of my insanity.

So, hey. I don’t know about you guys, but I have been noticing a lot more discontent with the TTC lately than ever before. And I’m not going to lie, I have contributed more than my fair share of horrendous swear words and curses on the forefathers of all Toronto Transit employees and practices grievances. From fare hikes to unclear and archaic administrative procedures, there are plenty of reasons why a person might decide to harbour a vendetta against the Toronto Transit Commission.

Whether it’s waiting a half hour for a bus, getting delayed on the subway due to “scheduled track and signal upgrades,” or getting denied entrance to a TTC vehicle because someone in charge just decided that you weren’t getting to work/class/your wedding on time today, we have all had one thought or another along the lines of “this will literally be the cause of my insanity.” And all of the RocketMan apps in the world aren’t enough to make up for the headaches and bouts of claustrophobia that we all experience on a day-to-day basis. (And, if you’re lucky, the occasional man masturbating at you on the subway #fLiRtInG101).

Anyway, here is a list of all of the things about the TTC that frustrate me more than petting a cat the wrong way or hearing someone pronounce the word “groceries” as “gross-er-ies.”

Delays. When you were in high school and the bus was delayed getting to your stop, NO WORRIES. You got to miss like ten minutes of class and it wasn’t even your fault. But when you reach **~~adulthood~~** and you have multiple schedules and jobs and classes and social lives and you actually have places you need to be, STUFF NEEDS TO NOT BE DELAYED. The feeling of knowing you have no chance of making it to work on time is akin to knowing you will never be able to eat in the Great Hall at Hogwarts no matter how hard you practice Patrificus Totalus on all of your friends.

People who butt in line. THESE PEOPLE. THESE. PEOPLE. Let me lay out a situation for you. Class ends at 4:30. I get in line for the bus at 4:35. The next bus doesn’t arrive until 5:00. It’s -25`C in the middle of January, and I have now been standing in the bitter cold for about half an hour. The bus FINALLYYYYYY rolls up, AND DIS B!T@# COMES OUT OF NO WHERE, SNEAKS INTO THE LINE IN FRONT OF ME, AND JUST SKIPS ONTO THE BUS LIKE IT’S A FREAKING UNICORN, ALL COMFORTABLE AND STILL PROBABLY HAS FEELING IN HER EXTREMITIES. You, sir, deserve a sharp punch in the back of the head if you butt in line for the bus. There is a special place reserved just for you in THE BOWELS OF HELL!!!1

People who are in a rush. This probably could fit with the previous irritation, but whatever. This is my blog and you can’t tell me what to do. I understand that we all run on certain schedules and have certain places we have to be at certain times. But, when you board a transit vehicle, for the time being, you are on the same subway as me and we are both going to get there when we get there and there’s nothing we can do about it. So when the train slows to a stop, and the doors have no yet opened, shoving me out of your way/flat up against the doors will not get you there any sooner. If we are on the streetcar together, and we are both getting off at the same stop, get off my back and WAIT YOUR TURN. I will exit the vehicle: I am competent and know how to use my legs, so there is noooo reasoooonnnn whyyyyyy you should plough past me and knock me into my innocent neighbour just so you can be the first one off the car instead of the second. I. DON’T. GET IT.

Space hogs. Man-spreading *eye-roll* aside, the amount of people who take up unnecessary space on public transit really need TA BE TOLD. If you have a stroller, or an adorable pet, or like are just generally spatially inclined, all the power to you. BUT. If you put your measly freaking purse on the seat next to you when the bus is absolutely crowded, or stand at the very front of the bus with your huge backpack still on and REFUSE to move further back “for customer convenience,” I literally have so little respect for you that realistically you should not even be a person. HOW HARD IS IT. FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE. TO PUT. YOUR PURSE. IN YOUR GODDAMN LAP. AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT. Goddddddddddd.

People who argue with the staff. Hold the hypocritical phone. I am fully aware of how spiteful this rant has become. However, I also understand that a girl’s gotta pay da bills, so whatever. Do your job. If I’m pissed off at you or how you do your job, I’ll keep it to myself. That’s what rants are for, TO LET OUT SOME PENT UP ANGER WITH GENERALLY NO HARM TO THE PUBLIC. So, that being said, although I have my grievances, I know people have places to be and I will not waste their time by holding up the show with my petty disapprovals. But there are sooooomme peeeoopplle who feel the need to voice their issues with how infrequent the busses are or refuse to pay the proper fare (when there’s no reason why they shouldn’t), and force us all to listen because we are trapped together in a rolling metal beetle, often to the point of holding up the bus driver when WE ALL HAVE BETTER SHIT TO DO. GET OFF. BYE.

People who just don’t have their shit together. When the bus/streetcar becomes full, move to the back. Don’t just stand there looking like an asshole with like forty feet of space behind you, unaccessible to anybody on account of YOU’RE STANDING THERE LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE. It is common knowledge that you have to step down onto the first step to open the streetcar doors. If you do not know this, look up, because there are instructions for simpletons like you. If all else fails, I also just told you how to open the streetcar doors, so you have no more excuses and should not stand there in my way trying to figure out “how do I streetcar?” and holding every one else up. Don’t try to stand on the subway if you’re going to fall on me when the train turns like .084 degrees to the right. Don’t try to tackle the streetcar for your first time by not holding on to anything, because you WILL crash into me with your enormous backpack. If your sea legs are shit, don’t try to walk to the door of the bus before the vehicle stops moving because you ABSOLUTELY will step on my toes and knock me over in the process. KTHANKS.

TO SUM UP. I hate people and should never be allowed in crowded spaces because I’ll probably commit a pretty serious criminal offence. [/endrant].

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