Being Someone’s Unicorn

Some things that I have learned in my quest for a unicorn.

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(music for your aural pleasure……….. get it…. get. it.)

Alright party people, it’s time to sloooooow things down a bit with a little summ’ summ’ for all you romantic hearts out there.

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In my many years of life on this planet and all of the sage wisdom that I have accumulated (i.e. basically how to DIY my distressed jeans and what hermeticism is), if there is anything that I will always be learning it is how to be someone’s unicorn.

For those of you who don’t know what a unicorn is it is a horse with a fucking horn in the middle of its goddamn face defined on Urban Dictionary as “that rare creature” who has somehow chosen you out of all of the other mortals on Earth and has fulfilled all of your wishes, when you never expected such a creature to pick you in the first place. Based on my experiences, it’s anyone who just plain rocks your socks off. I’ve encountered a select few of unicorns in my life, and have learned much about their ways. So here are some of the things that I have witnessed about these fantastic creatures and how they live in their natural magical habitats:

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They are beautiful, inside and out. One of my favourite things about unicorns is that they’re kinda fun to look at. Not just because they’re shiny and pretty and magical, but because it comes from the shiny, pretty, magical stuff that they are made of. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup: Even though the outside is just chocolate, you drool at the sight of them because you know that deep down inside is the amaZING PEANUT BUTTER FILLING MMMMmmmmmmm.

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They offer that life-fulfilling affirmation we all so keenly crave. Human beings are a painfully self-conscious species. As a more or less fully functioning human being, I can admit that I am no different. So when that one person comes along who makes you feel like even the smallest thing you accomplished today or that redeeming quality of yours is the best thing that ever happened to the cosmos ever, you feel like all your insecurities just sort of dribble away. When a unicorn tells you “hey, you made that K-Cup so well today,” or “man you look super hot in your camoflauge sweat pants,” or “I really like your ~*MinD*~, ~*pERsoNaLity*~, ~*AmBiTioN*~, ~*paSsIOn*~, ~*tHOuGhTs*~, and/or ~*oPiNiONs*~,” it’s like getting a really good batch of McNuggets: it happens so rarely, but when it does, you just kind of have to step back and go W O W W H A T A R E Y O U.

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They express their adoration in more than just words. For some of us, the occasional “I love you” or “you mean a lot to me” are crucially important to hear now and again. It gives us some reminder of how much a person cares or how much you care about a person. For others, sometimes these statements of affection aren’t always enough. We might need a show of adoration, a physical touch, or even just some good old fashioned quality time to know that we are cared for. A unicorn knows this and will often surprise you with how much he or she can express their adoration. We all know the phrase “actions speak louder than words;” when dealing with a unicorn, often times actions speak so loud that it’s like sitting in an airplane turbine listening to screamo on full volume with the bass turned all the way up. Romance, amiright?

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They just fudging get you. We all have things that make us unique. Our dislike of toast, our hatred for feet, the fact that we cry in every Disney movie we ever see, or our love of lame cartoon TV shows. Anyone? No? Just me? Okay then. Some people might look at those quirks and think “man I’m glad that’s not my problem.” A unicorn will look at those things, take them all in for what they are, and just add them to their laundry list of all of those awesome things that make you awesome. They’ll cash them into their “Hey, remember these important things and you’ll make this person inexplicably happy” bank, and that makes unicorns so goddamn special. When you think you’re weird as all hell, they think you’re the bees knees, and that just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So, if you or someone you know has seen or had any of the above symptoms, you have probably found yourself a unicorn. This person could be a friend, a significant other, or even a co-worker, if you think about it. Unicorns come in all shapes and sizes, but that doesn’t change their magical properties and their wooing capabilities. If you’ve found one, hang onto it for dear life ’cause I promise you, if you lose a unicorn you could very well have a hard time finding another one for quite some time. And if someone has claimed you as their unicorn, then you should give yourself a pat on the back ’cause you have reached the highest level in this silly little video game we call LooOvvE. And if you happen to be one of my own personal unicorns, well… you know who you are ❤

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