I don’t know about you guys, but some mornings I am not feeling as ***Flawless as I would like. Some mornings my “stay in bed all day” game is too strong. Some mornings I just want to grab that pint of Half Baked and set up in front of the entire extended Lord of the Rings trilogy. But most of the time, I can’t do any of those things. I have to get up and go adult for a while, because I have things like a job and a full-time education and social commitments and a life to have. It’s trés unfortch.
As much as I would like to turn to Yoncé and tell her, “yes, your majesty, I did wake up like this,” there are a lot — if not most — days when I sure as hell did not. So I have to peel myself out of my comfortable cloud bed of heaven and go about my day like it’s the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me -rage emoji-. While it’s easy to wallow in the agony that Monday brings, or fume about how much you have to get done during the day, sometimes you just have to figure out a way to be a BAD ASS B***CH, and freaking own it.
If you feel bad as fuck, even though it seems hard, then you can pretty much conquer literally anything. Slept through your alarm this morning? Doesn’t matter, you’re BAD AF. Had to deal with the atrocities of public transit? Doesn’t matter, you’re BAD AF. Ignorant people were ignorant at ignorant work today? Doesn’t matter, you’re BAD AF. We all have our own ways of feeling confident and killer, but the end result is usually the same. Your day suddenly becomes tolerable, if not manageable. So, here are some of the things that I have done in order to feel ***Flawless.
1. Set your favourite song as the alarm you wake up to. If your alarm is that one that goes “WANNHH. WANNHH. WANNHH. WANNHH.” you will actually go deaf and insane all at once in a matter of seconds. Who wants to start their day that way? Instead, pick your favourite song and have that be what wakes you up in the AM. If you wake up to something like this, you’ll instantly be in a better mood than you would have been getting woken up otherwise.
2. Get up and rock out. Don’t hit snooze. Take advantage of the awesome tune and get out of bed before it ends so you can jam out to it. Whether it’s 6am, 8am, 11am, or you have three roommates who are trying to sleep, FUCK IT. You will have the best time rocking out to that song and it will be so worth it. Plus, for those of you who enjoy E X C E R C I S E, it’s a nice little warm up!
3. Listen to the best belting tune in the shower. Follow the groove you’re already riding, and take it to the awesome acoustics the shower has to offer. Switch up the song, particularly to something you can really SANG to. This is one of my personal faves. Dem harmonies doe. When your audience is nothing but your shampoo and your conditioner, it doesn’t take much to let it all out. It’s a great way to get the sleeps out of your voice, plus you might feel like a rock star, or a mezzo on stage at the Met. Results may vary.
4. Don’t get dressed right away. Instead of shoving your freshly cleaned and dolphin-smooth body into itchy, scratchy, ugly, uncomfortable clothes as soon as you exit the shower, take some time to chill in just a towel. Your skin will absorb moisture better this way, and you will feel like a sexual seductress walking around in your nuddy pants for a bit. Even go so far as to do your hair and makeup only partially clothed. Not only will you not get bronzer on the collar of that white shirt you were going to wear, but your hawt vibes will stay strong.
5. Put your face on like it’s war paint. Your moisturizer, sunscreen, CC cream, foundation… whatever you put on that purdy little face of yours before you leave the house every day, put that shit on like you’re getting ready for combat. It’s going to protect your skin from everything that gets thrown at it throughout the day, and you’ll be able to take on the world like a BOSS. Ain’t no one gettin’ sunburnt today, bitches.
6. Make sure your undergarments are on fleek. This might mean matching your bra and panties, or even just wearing your favourite pair of socks (Halloween themed in April? Why the hell not). No one will see them, but that’s the whole point. It’s like a secret that’s just between you and you.
7. Leave the house in your best pair of shoes. They could be Nikes, combat boots, Converse, rain boots, Blundstones, or those sexalicious pumps you bought last week and haven’t had an excuse to wear yet. Even if you have to pack an extra pair of shoes to change into when you get to work, you’ll feel so good strutting down the street in your favourite kicks and nO ONE CAN STOP YOU.
8. Stand on the bus/subway/streetcar and OWN. IT. Even if there are empty seats galore. Be a good person and let all the sad, sorry, tired, not bad AF people use them because you’re too good for those nasty things anyway. If you have your shit together enough and can stand up on moving public transit without falling over, then you should be feared. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, look somewhere above street level, and kill. it.
9. Cook dinner in whatever outfit makes you feel the most confident. You’re making mac and cheese for dinner. You’re ordering sushi from that cheap restaurant around the corner. You just put leftover lasagna in the microwave because you can’t be fucked to make something fresh. If you’re wearing your favourite PJs or are decked out in your best summer dress,
as long as you’re not spilling shit on yourself that dinner will be the best thing you’ve ever eaten because you made it feeling comfortable and confident. And if your best outfit is your birthday suit, just be careful where you lean and don’t cook bacon.
10. Take 800 selfies and don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks. If you’re feeling like your best self on the inside, no matter what you wear or have on your face or do during the day, it will manifest itself on the outside as well. So if nothing else works for you and you’ve tried everything you can to not let the day get the better of you, just do your best to feel confident in who you are in that present moment and snap a goddman selfie. Set it as your background, make it your Facebook profile picture, or post it on Instagram. Whenever you’re feeling like a bag of balls (and not the fun kind), look at that picture of you smiling up at yourself and take pride in how awesome you are each and every moment, no matter what the world is doing around you.