Walking, Talking Sacks of Fluid and Bones

humans 1

Why Human Beings are Super Fucking Weird.

1. Reality TV shows.

2. Cropped tops.

3. Finger puppets.

4. Spray cheese. Whose fucking idea was that?

5. One night stands.

6. Running 10 kilometers for fun.

7. Spending hundreds of dollars on shoes.

8. Self-indulgence.

9. Dressing animals as humans.

10. Dressing humans as animals.

11. Dressing humans as other humans.

12. Solipsism.

13. Selfie sticks.

14. The fear of being alone.

15. Hating social situations.

16. Spending nights sleeping in a sack in the woods on purpose.

17. Jumping out of planes and enjoying it.

18. All other death-defying acts.

19. Defying death and then simultaneously fearing it.

20. Inside farts.

21. Collecting things.

22. Taxidermy.

23. Not learning from mistakes.

24. Metaphors.

25. Working for other people.

26. Rubbernecking.

27. Useless honking.

28. Putting our mouths on each other’s body parts.

29. Falling in love after getting our hearts broken over and over again.

30. Tattoos.

31. Tattoo removal.

32. Butt-holes.

33. Voyeurism.

34. Liking that smell after it rains.

35. Rob Ford.

36. Pretending not to be home when someone knocks on the door.

37. Re-reading books.

38. Insulting each other.

39. Getting stressed out about the Universe.

40. Currency.

41. Going to University to study dead guys.

42. Luge.

43. Wearing clothes. Who decided being naked was inappropriate?

44. Quickies.

45. Nicolas Cage.

46. The Twilight Saga (the movies, not the books).

47. Thinking that women are not beautiful without makeup.

48. Forgetfulness.

49. “I’m not like other girls.”

50. Words like fleek and bae.

51. Helicopters.

52. People who like the movie better than the book.

53. Taking things too seriously.

54. 69.

55. Not showering during a thunderstorm.

56. Flappy Bird.

57. Vajazzling.

58. Using “google” as a verb.

59. Siri.

60. Making birthday wishes.

61. Horoscopes.

62. Ambivalence.

63. Binge eating.

64. Karaoke bars.

65. Being paranoid about pre-cum.

66. Celebrating a pet’s birthday.

67. Missing people you’ve never met.

68. The overwhelming urge to squeeze something cute.

69. Procrastination.

70. Religion.

71. Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids Edition


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